My Yoga Journey
I thought it may be time to share my story. Many of you won’t know why or how I progressed with Yoga.
I don’t like to regret, but my deepest wish for myself would have been that I would have found Yoga a lot earlier in life. However, I found Yoga at 23 years old. I had a job that brought me lots of anxiety. I had come out of university into positions that I didn’t love and felt a bit lost in life.
To put it clearly, I was nervous and alert throughout the week, hoping for the weekend to come around a little quicker. Then by the time the weekend came, I’d worry about returning to work. I found myself without distraction as I had very little money to go out and distract myself.
And so, this led me to discover ways that could help me manage my anxiety. When I turned to Google, the results showed that breath work, Yoga, and aromatherapy could help me. This was all new to me. As a young adult with low funds, I turned to YouTube and found the goddess herself Yoga with Adriene, who makes Yoga accessible to all with her free yoga series on YouTube. At this point, I lacked the confidence to go to a class. In the meantime, whilst I was practising, I popped into my local health store and came across their essential oil products. My mother had the diffuser I needed, but not the exact oil I was looking for, bergamot.
It was indeed a liberating moment when I practised Yoga from home, burning bergamot. I realised that I could bring myself back to earth, gain a clearer perspective and reconnect to myself.
Roughly six months after this time, I stepped into a classroom in my hometown Wokingham, a studio called Sarvanga (which I have since taught at – amazing career moment for me).
It was an uplifting experience; I felt alive and awakened from one class. I clearly remember sharing with my parents that it was better than a massage – what a claim!
I felt relaxed, supported, open and complete.
From this point onwards, I knew the step I wanted to take; I knew that corporate life wasn't the path I wanted for myself (it isn't good for my nervous system). Yoga was calling to me. I wanted to share what yoga gave me with more people.
It took me a few years to save, and I made some lifestyle shifts to allow me to take the course. At this point, with a long-term partner and a house, I decided to study yoga locally in a village hall with Jill Jone's Yoga.
I was due to begin teacher training in September 2020, in March 2020 news of covid surfaced, and in June 2020, I received news that my mum was very poorly, having been diagnosed with a rare lung cancer which had metastasised. My life was flipped upside down.
In July 2020, I moved back home, leaving my partner alone in our house, and continued to work from home midweek, then studied for my yoga course at weekends. Being in my childhood home allowed me to spend as many hours as possible with my mother, and I am grateful for that.
In January 2021, I was back home and began learning and teaching in person, which was lovely. However, during this period, my mum’s chemo was changed, and she became fragile. By February 2021, my mum was in hospital, for a good couple of weeks, and she shared that she had decided to go to a hospice. This was to ensure she had the care she needed, and we were aware that it wouldn’t be long before she would be at peace.
I found this time of my life incredibly painful, no yoga, or scent would help me here. But one surprise was breath work and meditation. It was the light during the dark, and gave me strength when I needed it the most.
On 3rd March, 2021, my mum passed away. She was surrounded by family, and I know she felt the love during her last breath. When we went into the hospice garden, I could have sworn her spirit had lifted and was looking over us all, being reunited with her mum, and dad.
My mother was an angel on earth, and she was the glue in the family. Losing her felt like I had lot a part of me. From April onwards, I threw myself into teaching, starting online, and then taught my first class in September 2021.
“I believe I relied on adrenaline that year, that my mother’s passing was a reminder that you must live the life you want before it’s too late.”
Reflecting on almost two years later, yoga (and the arrival of my dog Paddy) gave me something to live for. I once hear that grief is when you have love to give but they are no longer there to receive it. Well, I was able to place my love into my dog, and my yoga practice.
It was the most painful experience of my life, and yet doors were opening around me. It taught me the contrast of life, how there is light and darkness, laughter and sadness, all wrapped up in one. Highlighting the impermanence of life.
Although my mother isn’t physically here, I believe she is here with me energetically and spiritually every day.
